Some insight on what it means to think "CONCRETE"

"People with Fetal Alcohol can see things in others (that is concrete) but they cannot see it in themselves (that is abstract). That's why they are good at pointing out your flaws, yet unable to see their own. Another reason why it's Brain not Behavior." -Jeff Noble

"Our kids/adults with FASD often can remember things they see much better than hearing and other mediums. Seeing is concrete. But I believe that they use visual memory to record the events or what they see and they can access that more easily with the neurological damage. (For my daughter they confirmed that her memory was impaired and only facial memory was intact). For her seeing is her greatest way of accessing her skill set and memory. For my youngest son, he could remember in vivid detail events and have no memory of anything he did. My children's neuropsych reports confirmed my suspicions over the years.

Thinking further on this.... Often our kids/adults can remember what everyone else did, wore, etc. but cannot always remember what everyone said accurately. They are using visual memory, and we know that auditory processing is impaired.

So they may remember the details, but miss some of the auditory details.
But even bigger, if they are relying on visual memory of the events... where are they in their recordings/memories? They are not there.

Think about it they are the camera operator and they cannot see themselves to remember what they did, how they reacted and they often can argue that they did not do something or will not accept any responsbility of their actions. But how can they with their brain injuries if they are not there. It can lead to blaming everyone else but themselves, faulty memories of the events as much of the story is all left out because of they cannot see the whole picture.

I tested my theory early on and used a camcorder to record the events in a room. My children were stunned by their behaviors and they held themselves accountable when they could visualize what happened. We used a wall of mirrors in our family room and they could sometimes see themselves interacting and thus remembered more of the family time. We could work on behaviors because we could replay them and see what they needed to work on.

Holding one's self accountable without seeing oneself, is an abstract concept, which requires planning skills, cause and effect and higher order thinking. Which we all know our kids/adults struggle with. It can also lead to our kids being suggestable about that they did something that they didn't. In the criminal justice system they say that often people with FASD take responsibility for things they did not do. Some to to suggestability, but I believe that they cannot remember their interactions or their memory deficits leave them vulnerable.

I have since then understood that I need my kids to see what they need to do, I need to talk less. I also use my phone camera not as a punishment but to help create some awareness of how they interact with people. To see themselves.

I also video family events with her in them as she cannot remember being someplace sometimes and she can enjoy some of the same memories we have as a family.

I use post it notes for a chore instead of talking, I use a text message to my daughter 21. When she sees it, she can process it in less than a couple of minutes and finish the one task chore in less than 5, but with prompts and reprompting it would take 15 to 20 for the same task. I am not badgering, getting frustrated etc. and she can have success."

copywrite 2013 Ann Yurcek