It's a GIFT

"FASD is a gift"...a new thought that was just introduced to me.  It IS a GIFT.  It's a gift that pushes me to be a better person.  It's a GIFT that reminds me not to judge others. It's a GIFT that shows me my weaknesses at their worst and provides opportunity for me to overcome such weakness...and if I don't overcome it right away...I'm blessed with many other chances to try again.  The longer I live with a son with an FASD, the more I realize that it is me that needs to overcome.  He will be judged by God for only what he knows and understands and God knows what that is.  And I will be judged for how I treated God's special child.  I hope and pray that I will treat him the way God wants me to.
I love this quote by Elder Jeffery R. Holland: "I testify of the holy Resurrection, that unspeakable cornerstone gift in the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ! ^...I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.” ¹² Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another,” ¹³ I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Something learned...to apply to all aspects of life.

Here is a great tidbit shared by James Gideon (an adult living with an FASD): "Start with the assumption that all human beings want to please others and to be successful - when there are problems, ask yourself what are you doing that is setting this up and allowing it to happen - what is it in this situation that makes it unlikely for us to be successful.  I always think we are successful. You know what they are saying though. I guess for me I look at my success as my own doing, not someone elses, but I guess when I was younger this would have been an issue or if I didn't have the skills, structure, routine that I have today, this would be an issue in my adult life. Really cool tidbit."
I love how this tidbit asks me to look at myself and evaluate myself to see what I can do, what I can change to help the situation. What a good outlook to have...rather than trying to point my finger at someone or something to point blame...instead look inwardly at myself to see what more I can do to help. I think this is a great outlook to have in all aspects of life!

PREVENTION!!!

"If you want to see some success with your loved one with Fetal Alcohol, stop trying to CHANGE their behavior(symptoms), instead put your focus on PREVENTING the behavior(symptoms) from happening in the first place." Jeff Noble

try differently, not harder

"WHAT TRYING DIFFERENTLY CAN CHANGE"
"Trying differently means to expand your range of options and move from punishing behaviours to understanding them and to changing the environment and your expectations of the affected individual. It also means shifting from changing people's 'symptoms' to changing the way that you react. When parents, caregivers, and professionals learn about FASDs and are able to understand the causes of problem behaviours and what the underlying physical issue(s) might be, and act accordingly, secondary characteristics of FASDs such as meltdowns, irritability, frustration, anger, anxiety, withdrawal, shutting down, trouble at home/school, legal and mental health problems etc., can be prevented or decreased.

When the needs of individuals with an FASD are not met, these secondary characteristics can lead to secondary diagnoses such as reactive/attachment disorder, ADHD, Learning Disabilities, ODD, ADD, OCD, Conduct Disorder, sociopath, etc. Lack of understanding and inaccurate interpretation of problem behaviours lead to poor outcomes---diagnosis of FASDs is essential in preventing this.

When behaviours are understood, the interventions are supportive and frustrations are reduced. Trying differently alsop means that when something doesn't work, don't give up, don't try harder, try something different!

This is a long tidbit but this is going to go into my next little bit of tidbits but until tomorrow's tidbit,."
-James Gideon

With regards to behavior...

"With regards to behavior: You child is never ever going to come and tell you they need less stimulation in their life. The only way you will know this is with their behavior. So instead of looking at it as something to consequence and punish and modify - look at it as their only way to fill a need for themselves. Look at the behavior and look UNDER it. Find the need and fill it and I promise you you will have less behavior and more peace in your home. It takes years of doing this for your child before they start recognizing it and removing themselves from overwhelming stimulus. They don't have the capacity to do this at first! I am not saying no consequences though - we are big believers in consequences when they are needed. Sometimes though filling the need is consequence enough." New Hope Academy

Favorite quotes by Jeff Noble: FASD is Forever, Frustration is not.

"Just because people with Fetal Alcohol may know better, doesn't mean they can do better. That's why external guidance and support is so key to their success."

 "If someone with an FASD is aggressive, it's usually because they are in over their heads. When you match your expectations with their actual ability, you'll see less aggression. You would be aggressive to, if you constantly could not understand things. Ever try putting something together from IKEA?"

A New Year is a great time to try new things!

I was totally surprised that my son chose to leave Ozzy home today.  It was 100% his choice.  He got some new animal friends for Ozzy on Christmas.  I told him he couldn't bring all of them to school, but told him that he could only bring one if he would like.  And he chose to leave Ozzy home...I could tell it was hard for him, but I stayed neutral through the whole thing as he made his choice.

Then, on the way to school he says: "A new year is good for trying new things.  I'm trying something new by leaving Ozzy home."  And I'm thinking, Wow! Where did that come from?

Then, he says, "And I'm taking a break from wearing my gray shirt."  I hadn't even noticed til he said something...and yep, sure enough, he's wearing the same shorts, but different shirt...the shirt he usually wears to our family reunions.  I have no idea where that came from! Totally shocked!

Over the break I did show him that I have two of his gray shirts that he likes to wear and so he didn't have to worry cause one of them should always be clean and ready for him to wear.  Not sure if that made a difference or not.  Not sure if it will even last. 
But hey, at least today is a day that my son tried some new things, and I'll take that as progress! :)